Last Words From My Wife

Last Words From My Wife
by James W. Goll


What I am about to share with you is very personal and it might even stretch some of you. But I feel that I am to share some amazing personal encounters with you concerning Michal Ann’s and my relationship. As I do so, perhaps these God Encounters will bring healing and life to others, as they are to me, in my processing the Home Going of my dear wife and partner in ministry. But to do so, I need to give you some background so you can comprehend the fullness of what has just transpired over the past few weeks.

An Encounter with Bob Jones

Before, Michal Ann Goll, went to be with the Lord on Monday a.m. September 15th, I had been in Charlotte, NC area that weekend ministering at Mahesh and Bonnie Chavda’s conference that Thursday through Sunday a.m. September 14th – 16th. I had the blessing of having Saturday afternoon off and got to spend personal time with seer prophet Bob Jones, who has been one of the papa’s in Michal Ann’s and my life. I did not go to Bob to get a word – but to reconnect and fellowship with he and Bonnie. But the Lord had showed some things to Bob as He often does.

Annie always seemed to be one of Bob’s favorite people and he loved her like a daughter over our many years. Bob told me that afternoon that is was the “year of the woman” and that God was going to extract a great seed to plant into the earth in order that a harvest of women in leadership would come forth. As he talked, I already knew these things, and yet I knew Bob was not talking in a generic way to me this time – but in a specific manner.

He proceeded to tell me that Michal Ann had “one last word” to give to me. He said that the work of brokenness was almost complete in me and after that I would be used to release brokenness and compassion worldwide. I thought it all sounded interesting but in another way – I did not like what I heard because deep inside me I actually understood his veiled language.

The Saturday Evening Meeting at the Conference

Well, when I got to the conference that Saturday evening and took my place on the front row, someone came up to me, whom I did not know, and handed me a blue envelope with a card in it. It seemed rather odd at the moment as I did not know the kind messenger. But again, this type of thing happens a lot with me. I thought they said, "This is a word to you from your wife." Then the person just rushed off. I turned around to see who this delivery person was, but they had already disappeared into the crowd as it was time for the worship to begin.

As I opened the blue envelope and read the outside of the card, I wondered – could this be the word? It did sound like something that Michal Ann would say and lived for sure! The outside of the card says, "Never, Never, Never, NEVER give up." Winston Churchill. I never opened the inside of the card to see what it said . . . But I put the card in my Bible. I was left puzzled, “Did I hear that person correctly? Could this be Annie's word to me?”

Back Home That Night

The conference was tremendous; I closed it out on Sunday a.m. and then flew back to Nashville that evening. But, as you know, by the time I arrived home that Sunday night, Michal Ann had already fallen into a deep sleep never to come back out of it. My friend, Bill Greenman, picked me up at the airport and came in to see my beloved as she lay in her hospital bed in our bedroom, motionless and yet so very peaceful.

I had a simple goal, I wanted to spend one last night with my beloved in the room with her. Practically speaking, Michal Ann had 24 hour care around the clock for months, and she and I had not slept together in the same room for months on end. But our caregiver and I agreed that she would step aside for the night, and I would have a night in the room with my bride.

At 3:30 in the morning, I wept over Michal Ann’s still body and spoke words of love to her. I told her and the Lord, that it did not seem that I was going to get my “last word from my wife” on this side. As I sobbed with my head placed on her heart, I told her and the Lord that if He wanted to, He could send a message from her to me later even through a dream. I told my love that I would be eagerly awaiting her word and blessed her; I thanked her for all of our years together and I released her to Jesus.

For the next four hours, I watched her slowly unwind like a clock until she breathed her last at 7:32 a.m. on September 15th, 2008. She was free at last. No more pain. No more sorrow on her end. She graduated to her reward. Heaven was more full, but earth was a whole lot more empty for some of us. Our Annie was no longer with us….. but “to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.”

Then a long week unfolded with two amazing presence-filled funeral services – one in Nashville, TN and one in Odessa, MO followed by the graveside service at Dover Cemetery in rural Missouri.

Three Weeks Later in South Korea

A lot happened quickly. I cancelled my one week trip to Australia, but I felt it was good for me to go on to Korea three weeks later, where I joined Che Ahn and Peter Wagner in ministry. Well, the Lord met me in a wonderful way while ministering there over the Day of Atonement. It was hard for me to get up an minister for the first time without my wife. I had told the Lord day after day and hour after hour, that I did not know how to live this life without her, let alone do ministry without my partner of almost 33 years. God was leading me for sure – but it was a struggle none-the-less.

Interestingly – I spoke for the first time on the eve of Yom Kippur – as I stepped to the plate in Hallelujah Baptist Church, I felt Michal Ann’s presence in the balcony as though she were looking on. I saw nothing. I heard nothing. But I felt her presence – as though she were my personal cheerleader in the crowd looking on that very night.

Then the next day was the Day of Atonement. I took the day to seek the Lord and stayed in my room all day. It was a hard day for me and yet a good day, to be renewed with Jesus – just Him and me.

The next morning in my hotel room, I had a vivid dream and I felt like a voice from the Lord came to me. I relived the Saturday night meeting at the conference and I saw the person rush in and rush out - hand me the blue envelope and clearly say, "This is a word from your wife to you." In the dream, the messenger was not a person but rather an angel that delivered the card to me. The Lord said, “I released my angel to you to bring to you your last word from your wife.”
I woke up from the dream crystal clear at 5 a.m. So I got up out of bed, opened my Bible and found the blue envelope with the card in it. I opened it up and read the outside again,“Never, Never, Never, NEVER give up.” But I had never opened up the inside of the card. Like a child on Christmas morning, I opened up the inside of the card to find an amazing statement – yes, it was my last word from Michal Ann. Inside it reads, "I'll never, never, never, never stop cheering for you."

There is no signature on the card. Just those amazing words.

That day, the Lord reached down to a little boy from Cowgill, Missouri and he touched my heart in a way that only He can do.

So, I wanted to share this Good News with you. But the story goes on.

An Encounter in Guatemala this Past Week

While in Guatemala City this past week, I ministered at El Shaddai Church and once again, Jesus found me in my weeping pain as I am still processing my loss - and He met me. He had given me some detailed dreams about what He wanted me to accomplish while with this great church.

On Saturday a.m. I shared on "The Best is Yet to Come" and shared some very personal things from my journey over the past 9 months or so. There was no dry eye in the place. Then we turned a big corner on Saturday night when the Holy Spirit's presence showed up in holy laughter, healing, revelation, trances and great intimacy with God.

I shared on "The Key of Intimacy to Open Heavens". The people drew near to God and He drew near to His people. We really made it passed the veil and into the glory realm. I had not had an encounter of this level in any meeting for many years. The King of Glory was among His people. When we reached a particular point in the gathering, I knew we were right there - I told them to look through the door because the Revelation 4:1 door was open. The place was saturated with the glory of God.

Then I was shocked at what happened next. I was not expecting anything for myself – I was on assignment! But I looked through the door into the eternal realm for myself and I saw my Annie!

Yes, I saw her healed and whole with all her hair and no scars from surgery or any such thing. She was dressed in a green dress and had glowing white light radiating all around her. She smiled at me and I heard in my heart, "Everything is fine!" It was so awesome! Then as I continued to look so much was unveiled.

I saw her in a beautiful glowing white dress made of light and diamonds and light was everywhere. Colors of the prism were glimmering everywhere. As I continued to look I saw her dancing - but not alone. In the mist of the white glowing life, she was dancing with a man dressed in radiance – he had white hair and a white beard. Yes, I saw my Michal Ann dancing with King Jesus. He was holding her so tight to His heart and I heard the words - My Best Friends Wedding. It was outrageous.

I wept, I laughed, I cried. I sobbed, I roared in laughter - it was amazing. I had not had an encounter on that level for maybe 8 years.

There is so much more to tell. So much more happened that night. I heard the song, “I Could Have Danced All Night.” Yes, there is my beloved, part of the great cloud of witnesses. She is cheering me on. And she has a word – her last word to give to us all, “Never, Never, Never, NEVER Quit!” And now I want to pass on to you what was given to my me just last Saturday night, “Everything is fine!”

Let’s stay in the fight together for Jesus sake. Cause the good book says, “Love Never Quits!”

Encounters Network
Prayer Storm International

No comments: